Particular Madness
by Hikari Daeron
Summary: Tender/deathshipping. For a long time, all I saw was darkness. Then a mirror appeared, and with it came a particular madness that one day I might come to understand.


Me: This was a major WTF shipping when I first saw it, but then as I thought about it, a lot of things made sense… well, considering angstshipping is one of my favourites, you'd think I'd be cool with death too (haha that sounds funny)… So anywhoosle! Round 7 of ze contest de Compy, and this one's a fic I've worked awfully hard on… so here we go!

First person POV. Flashbacks in italics, written in present tense. Your take on the relationship is your own – I don't think it's one-sided, but motivations from both sides are in sharp contrast. Takes place in Battle City, right after the Isis/Ishizu-Kaiba battle in the semifinals. There are mentions of that duel and of the Bakura vs. Yami a little before it. Implied tendershipping – BakuraxRyou. DEATHSHIPPING – this is Yami MalikxRyou. No graphic scenes, but if you're offended by gay pairings, please, don't feel obligated to read. You have been warned.

Ryou note: If he seems a little… I dunno, wimpy, or helpless, or weak, listen to my perspective: he has been used, _abused_, and trapped in the Shadows for a _long _time. He's pretty damn emo on the inside. He does have a character shift in the story (because I don't like seeing Ry-chan so weak!), but I do believe that he's a depressed character.

Translations:

_Yadonushi_ – Host, landlord (what Bakura calls Ryou)

_Mou hitori no Yugi _– The other Yugi (what most people call Yami)

_Mou hitori no boku _– The other me

_Yami no (name) _– Dark (name)

_-kun_ – Honorific usually given to male companions (a very Ryou-esque thing to say)

_-chan _– Honorific usually given to female companions, but can be tacked on for more affection (I guess… it's given to little kids too, but I don't think it's that uncommon to be cutesy about it.)

_Kami-sama _– God

Disclaimer: Hikari Daeron does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any affiliations. This work was written exclusively for the aforementioned contest.

* * *

_**Particular Madness**_

For a long time, all I saw was darkness.

Well – rightfully, he'd correct me, all I saw was _shadows_. But he's not here to correct me now, is he? Hasn't been for what feels like –

"_Eternity is not a light word, yadonushi. Don't just throw it around because your pathetic little _mortal _friends do so. You know _nothing _of such things…"_

He's right, of course. What would I know of an eternal night, or lost hope and forbidden mourning? Absolutely nothing, of course…

Not like I've ever been trapped here before, or ever experienced pain, loneliness, misery –

"_Death."_

For a long time, all I saw was this curious mix of light and dark – in a pure sense, shadows. I like to fool myself into thinking they're playing a game with me. Sometimes, they will give me a glimmer of something that isn't this black abyss before pushing me even further away. They like toying with me, the Shadows. Apparently, I'm an endless source of amusement. Surely such a white creature,they must think, with such pale skin and fair hair, surely this creature does not belong here with the likes of us?

Of course I don't. I never did. I didn't _choose _my abysmal surroundings. They were thrust upon me by –

"_I am a thief and a stealer of souls."_

He never cared. He's not _like _the other spirit. _He _cares for his "yadonushi", as I was called. They treasure each other, watch for each other, maybe even _love _–

"_Fool! What are you doing?!"_

"_I cannot let any harm come to this body, Malik!"_

Yet, he shielded me. When one would have left me to die in that duel, when _he _would have left me to die and thus win, he didn't. Instead, he protected me and kept me alive, and even if my soul spiraled into the deep recesses of the night, he _tried_.

I've heard the Shadows whisper. They tell me that eventually, he was thrown down here too, by the very person whom he defied to save me.

For a long time, all I saw was the shadows, but then something else came to me. I almost had trouble recognizing it. But then I did.

A _mirror_.

I wanted to think that it was a gift from him. That after all, I wasn't just a body, that he actually _cared_…

"Still thinking about him, little one? I thought I told you to _forget _him…"

I was wrong, of course.

When I first stared into the mirror, I thought I saw his reflection staring helplessly back, a rare moment of fragility caught in the curious darkness of our souls. But, as my heart caught and I peered closer, I saw not the familiar white locks but platinum ones, not pale skin but bronzed, not a fading mix of brown, gold and crimson in his eyes but _lavender_…

I screamed, the first time I saw him. The Shadows muffled such a desperate plea, but while his expression was haughty there was almost an edge of kindness in his voice. _"Come now, Bakura-kun. Don't be like that. After all, haven't you been _lonely _here, all by yourself?"_

I hadn't known how to respond. Besides the fact that he had not only added a honorific to my name, but also referred to me by surname, he was _right_. I _had _been lonely, all alone in the dark. But –

"Ah, Ryou-kun, I know that look. Talk to me, dear one. Tell me what your pretty head is thinking."

I told him to call me by my given name – my first name, the one that no one uses. Besides, everyone else always calls the spirit by my surname, so it's not really mine anymore.

Nothing truly is.

"Ry-chan." _He's _the only one who has given me any kind of nickname. "Ry-chan, _stop it_. Brooding over him will in no way bring you happiness. Come now, Ryou… look at me."

I do – I always do. _He _calls to me, binds me, lo –

"You're not him, are you?"

I've known _of _him, because of the spirit that called me host. But I know nothing _about _him, because of the spirit that called me host. I do know his name, but… "You're not Malik-kun, are you?"

"Heh." His face turns away, so that I am faced with a profile. "Yes and no. I am not Malik, but I am a part of him."

"What's your name?"

He froze for but an instant turning away from me. "What kind of a question is _that_?" he snaps, irritation in his voice.

Helplessly, I ask, "Are you mad? It's just…"

He turns, a mix between frustration and sorrow crossing his face. "No, little one. I'm sorry." He pauses. "Just what?"

"Just… what do I _call _you?" He doesn't answer. "I mean, the spirit didn't have a name but everyone stated to call him Yami no Bakura, and mou hitori no Yugi was called just that _and _Yami no Yugi, but neither of them have names either. But you're not like them; you're actually a _part _of Malik-kun, not a spirit trapped in a Millennium Item. And yet, you have an Item and can control this place and want mou hitori no Yugi's power just like the spirit of the Ring… But none of you have _names_!"

The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop. Thoughts run on and connect, jumping ahead of each other so that I may utter one before another.

I realize what I have said and cringe. I had not meant to attack him, hadn't meant to…

"Are you done?"

His voice cuts me, an iciness to his tone I've never heard. I flinch. "I didn't mean – I didn't think – "

"That seems to be your _problem_, isn't it, Ryou?!" His tone harkens back to old memories I had long since repressed. I slam my hands to my ears and tightly squeeze my eyes shut. "Do you think," comes his low and menacing voice, "that for even a _second _I've forgotten how similar and yet how _different _I am from those other two? How – how we all mirror our lighter host bodies while shrouding ourselves in darkness, and yet how I have no memories but of hatred and they… they've _forgotten _theirs?!" A note of contempt enters his voice. "How I am nothing more than a whim of whom I was created from, and they – they are truly the kings, the masters of Shadow that I so long to be! I, nameless darker half of Malik Ishtar of the Tomb Keepers Clan, I who have plotted and raged and tormented and waited… I will be turned aside by two who don't know _anything_, while I remember all!"

He falls silent. I can see his back and shoulders heaving, shudders going through him every now and then.

I reach out and gently scrape the glass between us with my fingertips. Either the sound or the Shadows connecting us alert him to the motion. He turns. His eyes are burning with fury and frustration, and if I squint really hard…

"Is it not possible to surpass them?"

I don't mean to say it, but something compels me to voice this thought.

He glances up and into my reflection. "What?"

"Is it not possible to surpass them? To – to _learn _to be a master of Shadows? And then one day take what is now theirs?"

Yugi-kun has always been very kind to me, given me the benefit of the doubt when no one else has. I've never interacted with mou hitori no Yugi – he was always talking to the spirit. And speaking of the spirit… well, I think my sentiments are fairly clear, concerning him.

I do not want to hurt Yugi-kun, but nothing else is truly holding me back from lashing out against the others, or from simply helping anyone against them. Besides, the only way I'd hurt him is indirectly – if his spirit his hurt, if their bond is as strong as it seems, then he will take the backlash. On the other hand, from experience, I wonder just how close one can get to one of these spirits. After all, _mine _only wanted my _body_. In the end, aren't they all here for their _own _sakes?

"And interesting notion, little one." This darker half of Malik-kun chuckles and surveys me. "You mean for me to train and wait until I am sure that I am more powerful that both the spirit of the Millennium Ring _and _Puzzle?"

"You're already powerful," I mumble, looking down. "You beat the spirit of the Ring into submission and threw him here, and you're breaking Yami no Yugi's spirit by taking his friends."

He chuckles again. "I have been plotting for six years now," he says, leaning forward so that all I see are his eyes, "waiting quietly until I was meant to appear. When Rishid fell, I took possession of Malik's body and locked his mind away. My own mind… I locked the entranceway and lost the key." His tone takes on a crisp edge. "I _cannot _stop now. I _cannot _wait any longer. This is the only chance I have at making Pharaoh pay for the sufferings of the Tomb Keepers. _My _sufferings."

His words of possession cause my throat to close and my breath to become ragged. "Possession?"

He blinks and leans back. "What?"

"Possession. You said you – you possess Malik-kun."

His eyebrows furrow slightly. "Yes, of course, Ry-chan."

"You possess his body."

"Yes."

"You locked away Malik-kun's mind, consciousness, spirit and soul."

He looks slightly wary now. "You could say that…"

"You – " My breaths come faster, my heart pounds in my throat. "You treat Malik-kun the same way the spirit treated me."

A look of confusion and then comprehension flashes on his face. The slight upward curve of his lips is instantly replaced with a look of compassion. "_No, _Ryou! Bakura _hurt _you, I would never – "

"You _use _him!" Horrid thoughts and images fly through my mind, and suddenly, I realize what I had not. "You use him for your own means, just like the spirit did me!"

"No! Ryou, Malik and I both want – "

"You said it yourself, that Rishid-kun held you back! He – oh, _Kami-sama, _how could I be so blind?! He was _protecting _Malik-kun from _you_! He was making sure that _you _wouldn't hurt him!"

He opens his mouth again. "Don't lie! If it's not true, then have Malik-kun come and tell me himself right now."

Silence. He looks down, unable to respond, before meeting my gaze squarely. He looks like he wants to speak, but doesn't as a soft, sarcastic smile comes onto my face. I slowly shake my head. "Like you said yourself, you're not _powerful _enough to do this on your own. First you wait six years, then until Rishid-kun was struck down. And now look at you! You can't hold a candle to Yami no Yugi, or the spir – to mou hitori no boku!"

It is the first time I have ever called him such. And for once, I hold my head up defiantly and almost proudly as I do.

He takes a step back, surprise and anger flashing on his face.

"Not only that – but the Millennium Rod's not even yours, is it? No! It's… Kaiba-kun's!"

He flinches.

"That's right… I could sense that duel! The Rod called out to its true master and _saved _him! I bet if you handed Kaiba-kun the Rod, he'd have better control over it than _you_!"

He seems to be shrinking, as I say these words. "I gave you all you wanted," he hisses from the darkness. "Attention, affection, companionship! Even lo – "

"Don't lie, treacherous snake." My words are sharp. "I'm not stupid. I was a blind _fool_…" I shake my head angrily. "But no more! I know your game. Be gone! I don't need you!"

He _smirks _at me, and begins to cackle, his true nature now revealed. "I can never leave, Ryou-_kun_," he sneers. "I am inside your mind, always here, always waiting."

I freeze, hearing a familiar whisper in my ear. I curl my fingers into my palms. "No."

"I can never leave."

I look him in the eye and begin to step towards him. "There is one way." I pick up the mirror, the object that first brought him to me, and his eyes widen. "Goodbye."

He opens him mouth to scream at me, but it is too late. I hurl the object onto my knee, and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The shadows come and swallow of the shards of this particular madness.

I feel a tug at my mental link, something that has been dusty for an age. It was a tug that said, _Nice job_, while saying, _Don't get cocky._

And somehow, it also said, _I'll be back._

For a long time, all I saw was a blackness in neither Shadow nor dark.

But one day… I'm sure I'll see something more.

* * *

Me: So… that was hard to end. Overall, I think it's pretty good. I hope it was obvious that the "familiar whisper" and the "tug at the mental link" were both from Bakura… but anywhoosle! Lemme know what you think! 


End file.
